3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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