I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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