just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
