So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
