I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
