All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
