it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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