so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
