I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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