Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this boner is exhausting
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
