Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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