meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
