got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
