If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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