Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
