OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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