So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
false alarm. still invincible.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize