I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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