It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
