Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
