You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
