Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
