I think I am morally bankrupt
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
