just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
