Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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