dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
