i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
