My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize