he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
