you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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