So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
