I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
