I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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