i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
