Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
we're so committed to being not committed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
