man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
