WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
