You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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