There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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