Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
