he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
