Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
