Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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