Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ketchup is God's man juice
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
