I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
