we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
