Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize