We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
