he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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