she was so not down for the gang bang
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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