She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
