I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
