Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
