the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
