So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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