Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
