I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
