if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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