Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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