$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
