I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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