i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
