I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
