So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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