Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
