im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
