yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
