yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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