I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
